If I let this get in my way, if I let this take hold of me, if I let this burn bridges and ruin relationships with people closest to me, then I let them win. Ha. Fat fucking chance.
Fuck your money, fuck your degrees, fuck your institutions, fuck your system. I’m not buying into any of that bullshit. And I’m never letting any of that shit get to me again.
Money will only mean as much to you as you let it. Money will only have as much value as you place on it. I swear, take out a five dollar note and just stare at it. Stare at it long and hard until it just looks like a piece of paper with pretty designs in pretty colours. Place it right next to another piece of paper—a business card, your bank statement, your homework assignment, your transit pass. Even if none of those things are made of polymer, they’re all essentially the same thing… worthless until deemed worthy. We decide what each particular piece of paper is worth—the business card, the bank statement, the homework assignment, the transit pass… the five dollar note. You will say, “But the difference between this five dollar note and this piece of lined paper is that the five dollar note can get me things.” Just because other people are disillusioned enough to think particular pieces of paper hold specific numerical value doesn’t mean you have to too. Have the courage to say, “No. I refuse to pretend something so futile can mean so much. I refuse to play imagination, I refuse to lie to myself and to everyone around me.” Have the courage to value what deserves to be valued. Have the courage to live your own life. Because when you don’t, you don’t have your own life to love. And when you can’t love yourself, no one can ever truly love you.
I can only love you so much, mom. I can’t make up for the lack of love you have for yourself.