No, I am not Korean.
At some point, I’ll get there. I will one day be totally cool with the whole “race” thing. The anger will subside, and I will learn to love. It’s not that I have problems with my own ethnicity. Rather, it’s that I have problems with the way my ethnicity is used as a way into me.
I sometimes wonder if I’m being overtly picky by refusing to give rice queens a chance. My main argument against rice queens is that they see me primarily as an Asian, and then associate a bunch of horribly demeaning stereotypes based on that.
“So are you smooth all over?”
Fuck you.
“Wait, so then what are you?”
Put a little more effort.
“What do you mean you don’t like getting fucked? Aren’t you all bottoms?”
[furiouskickinthegroin]
My extremely intelligent friend once said to me: “Isn’t it sort of the same thing? Guys like me because I have blonde hair and blue eyes.”It was then that I knew that he probably wouldn’t ever be able to understand how I feel about this particular issue. I was slightly shocked and still sort of am. I love him to bits, but it tears me up inside a little that we can’t connect on this issue. It sort of left me, hopeless.
When I was 19, I was fooling around with a guy in my room. In the middle of our heated sex frenzy, he started talking dirty. It was hot until this happened:
“Yeah, you like that China boy?”
At the time I didn’t really get it. I didn’t understand the underlying racism of the entire moment—the way in which he said it, the physical position that we were in and the way in which it affected the power dynamic in the room. To this day, I wish that I had bitten his dick off.
What frustrates me even more is when other POC’s comment on my Asian-ness, with even more troubling comments like: “I only date white guys, but you’re cute for an Asian.” At which point I grab my drink, turn and walk away.
Some friends keep telling me to give Rice Queens a chance, that they are nice guys who happen to find Asians attractive. I agree with this, but something still doesn’t sit right with me inside, and I don’t know what it is.
Thoughts?
